Shampoo: Preparing to say goodbye..

...and feeling really confident!

On Wed, Sep 29, 2010 at 2:44 PM, gina palazzo wrote:

just wanna let you know i've decided to forego shampoo! baking soda and vinegar, plus rosemary and lavender, are my new best friends.

xx

On Sun, Oct 3, 2010 at 11:37 AM, eileen mcmanus wrote:

uh-oh!

Swimming

oh dear mom,

it's been while since i've had a chance to write. but now i'm back in the saddle with plenty to say! and of course, now that you've got the skype thing down to a pre-gallilean type of science, our communication is better than ever.

so. remember in my last letter how i passive-aggressively attacked your parenting skills for forgetting to teach me to swim? well, i'm over that now. i've decided to channel my feelings into art instead.

this is a still from my performance piece called 'drowning in the shallow end' and i'm dedicating it to you. rightly so, for there were plenty of real 'oh dear mom' moments: being lapped by the grandparents, then again by their grandchildren... getting a charge of electricity IN THE POOL from the dry swim cap... and for the final act, having the top half of my bathing suit undo itself (which redeemed me somewhat -- with the grandfathers, at least) in the midst of thrashing for the very life you gave me. think it will be a hit?

swimming is a real challenge. luckily, my swimming teacher has the kind of patience people in our family can only dream of. he understands our special brand of oppositional thinking -- like when he says 'float', i immediately start to 'sink'. or when he says 'arms first, then legs', he says it knowing all appendages will flail out with Shags-like arrhythmia. (remind me to discuss your musical abilities in my next letter.) he hasn't wept openly yet -- although we ARE in a pool and it would be easy enough to hide, no?

i shall keep you posted on my progress, useless goggles and all.

to the dearest dear mom in all the universe!

love always,

gina

mom jamz

whatta mom/whatta mom/whatta mom/whatta mighty good mom.

(yes she is!)

from sickland to FITLAND!

"how sweet it is to be loved by you." -- marvin gaye

Oh Dear Mom,

hello! this week brings good tidings. first, this letter. second, i've been evicted from sickland! newly sprung from the cauldron of malaise, i've decided to toast my good health with some exercise. improbably, this led my thoughts to you.

i'll start here: remember your collection of exercise machines? the Air Walker, Pilates machine and of course, the AirTramp, all made equally deep impressions on me and the carpet. there was no QVC contraption you were immune to. the drive was mighty, even if the muscles were weak: "gina! can you help me move this ever-loving thing?!"

you spent a lot of time thinking about exercise, much more than actually exercising. i now realize you were practicing an advanced form of ergonomics.... cleverly disguised as relaxation! and the machines, i daresay, are enjoying excellent second lives as household furniture. the AirTramp is a pretty convenient laundry basket... except when the dog breaks into a manic fit, runs over it and all the clothes scatter like a demented flock of Spring Rain scented birds.

what i'm saying is, your 'fitness as apathy' ruse really made its mark. all children hate what their parents love; you used this to best effect. what don't i owe to your influence? this, here, is all you:

despite all that rigorous training on the fallen bodies of your antiquated exercise equipment, there is one skill that still eludes me: swimming. this is because your idea of sick waves is Jones Beach. i'm sure you feel pretty guilty about it, but rest easy. i've decided to take swimming lessons, under the careful tutelage of a real live Swiss, at the Geneva public pool.

my first lesson is in a few days. can't wait to tell you all about it. until then, rest assured that i am getting enough exercise from Wii Fit... though it seems a little hollow without an intricate pulley system and a mom cheering me on from the couch.

write me your thoughts. i 'promise' not to post them.

love always,

gina xx

hello from sickland!

dear Mom,

how are you? (probably the same as last we spoke: harried and tripping over one of your many animals, but you taught me it's always polite to ask. you win!)

you will be saddened to learn -- and if not, you should be -- that your best and brightest has developed a mysterious, non-itchy rash all over her back, arms and torso. fortunately, it seems to be only superficial in nature... though the theory has been floated about that it could be a weak strain of chicken pox, in which case a care package is definitely in order.

speaking of packages, a big one arrived for me today from someone i'll call irene mctannus who was silly enough to leave off the zip code, resulting in a massive delay in delivery of said package. do you know this person? if so, tell her i said thanks for the free lesson in patience. also thank her for initiating the transformation of my adult menstrual life by including a Diva Cup among the contents. what a thoughtful and not too personal addition! i and my ovaries owe her a massive debt. (and no, as the presence of the cup indicates, i don't intend to repay in grandchildren anytime soon.)

as per your complaint, we here at the office of Happy Child/Parent Relations realize that thirteen dollars is INDEED too much in shipping for two surface inches of silicone, even if it is 'Diva-fied.' unfortunately we are unable to honor requests for refunds at this time.... but we do appreciate your loyalty!

i do have some news that i think is almost as good as getting thirteen dollars back. perhaps you will be flattered to know that 'oh dear mom' is my new favorite phrase. i prefer saying it to 'oh dear god' or 'oh sweet jesus' or 'goddammit!' or any of the other irish-catholic curses that served as the gentle music of my youth. example: hot spaghetti falls to the floor and lands on my foot. i immediately yell, 'oh dear MOM!' doesn't that sound nice? now, you're with me all the time and no deities have been offended -- pardon, no deity. a double success, no?

my last morsel of tasty news for the hungry mom machine: i am in the process of building a very professional, yet whimsical website. it's been a big undertaking to realize myself as an adult artist... even though candy is still one of my favorite subjects to shoot. especially giant candy. on a personal and vaguely related note, thanks for painting my room yellow as a child 'to encourage creativity'. anecdotal evidence suggests this was a massive success!

write me when you've shooed the animals from the keyboard. i'll be waiting.

love always, your biggest fan,

gina xx